I guess my posts will be about the recent life after college when a person is both confused on whether they are a functioning member of society. Am I still allowed to play Beirut? Can I drink things less than $4? Am I allowed to still hang out with college kids or even visit a college when its not Homecoming? Basically I will talk about the unknown abyss between college life and real life, where everything you still compare to what you did in college only now you realize that just un-tucking your dress shirt is “dressing down and not giving a shit.”
So the other night I went out in the great cosmopolitan metropolis known as Oneonta, NY. First a couple of things about Oneonta. It is a college town, home to both SUNY Oneonta and Hartwick College. It also is home to the “Soccer Hall of Fame” and they do this thing called Cold Pizza where they warm up a slice for you and just dump a mountain of cold shredded cheese on top of your pizza. Awesomely disgusting. I’m still feeling the after effects. So anyways since this is a college town, almost ever bar is a college bar, which to my surprise can perhaps be even better when you’re not in college. So me and my co-workers go to this place called Copper Fox’s which has abysmal karaoke on Thursday. Much to my dismay, its pretty empty except for this random group of girls. They could’ve possibly been from a sorority, they could’ve been in high school. Didn’t matter. So after one of them walks right by us and looks at me as though I’m insane as I scream ZOMMBBBIEESSSS, (It was a Cranberries song!) things go from bland to bleak. She then comes over to the group and asks if we go to school there. Since we are such adults, fuck we don’t go to your dump school! So she responds, “Oh, you must be townies then. Ok.” Wait a minute! I’m now referred to as a Townie! That’s what you become! I did not sign up for this.
Who wants to be a townie? I’ll tell you who, NO ONE. Townies are kinda like circus folk. There going to be at bars, but no one wants them there, so you just label them and ignore their accents. Problem is, I don’t even have an accent or live here. Does townie now incorporate anyone over the age of 21? Another thing, you don’t find townies in major cities, only in college areas. If I was downtown in Boston doing the exact same thing, I would just be a dude. I like being a dude, its very unassuming. However, being a townie does have its perks. You can now do whatever you want and go “Creep” (thanks Ronnie!) wherever, whenever. AND ITS EXPECTED! “You don’t think I’m dressed up enough at your empty bar. Ha! You’re lucky I decided to wear pants tonight!” See being older does have its advantages, its just not as fun. So go grab a slice of cold pizza and dump whatever you want on top of it. You deserve it, Townie!
On to another note, noted Townie J.D. Salinger died yesterday. He possibly penned America’s greatest novel about, what else, a lost kid trying to find himself (Aren’t we all). Although a bit of a recluse, it made him even more popular and intriguing because no one knew a damn thing about him. Too many authors are celebrities now. Having authors speak is like actually seeing radio personalities on TV. The words on the page just lose their luster. Now you may think all is lost, but little do you know. Lauren Conrad, Hills star and best-selling author (and you thought Bill Simmon’s surprised you) is there to save us and share with us some of her inspiring and favorite books.
I now know what I’m uploading onto my iPad first.
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