My dogs once actually ate my homework. Like they just came up, grabbed a notebook, and went to chowtown. They then ate my cellphone. Aren’t dogs the best? But anyway, once you’re in college, this excuse doesn’t quite cut it. Now most professors don’t give one way or another if you miss class, but they take note of it, especially on your final grade. And, like, you can’t say “sorry dog ate my legs, so I couldn’t walk to class, and then he ate my computer so I couldn’t email my paper in.” Instead, use these five patented Jumbro missing class excuses, and you will be sleeping through 1:30 classes like it’s your job.
“I woke up this morning feeling awful, and I think I may have come down with the norovirus.” This excuse works really well on a college campus, because it’s easily passed–whether through dining hall slop or person to person. It also is like a 48-hour deal, so it can come up quick, without symptoms, and be gone in time for the next class.
Use it: When you are really hung over. You can almost feel the symptoms.
“I was up late last night, because my roommate was having some personal issues and really needed me there.” This is a good because not only does it seem legitimate and is vague enough not to really elicit questions, you also come off as a really sympathetic guy (or girl). This puts you in the apple of your professors eye, and if you really need to, you can try and sneak using it twice.
Use it: When you were up really late getting hammered with your roommate, getting hammered off the cheap vodka his older brother bought him.
“I had a family emergency and needed to rush home.” This one can be hit or miss. Odds are, if you use this one, and miss something important, you’ll need some verification. Like from a dean or something. But you can play it off. Say you come from a really conservative family and your brother just came out of the closet. It’s bold enough that it just might work.
Use it: When you want to skip a couple days of classes, preferably when you are actually going home (or flying somewhere). That way, you can show documentation that you actually left, then get your buddy to pretend to be your parents a la Ferris Bueller to complete the cover-up.
“I’ve been really swamped with work lately, and just couldn’t manage my time properly.” Sometimes, the best excuse is the real excuse. If you fess up to your mistake, say why you didn’t go to class (because you needed to finish a paper for Religion and Politics in the US), they might let you off the hook, purely for sympathy.
Use this: When you’re a freshman, in a freshman only class. Who knows, you might luck out with a really nice professor, and she’ll do all your work for you, and then give you a blow job.
Pull the fucking fire alarm. This is a last ditch effort. Like when you don’t want to go to class because you have a final or some shit that you are absolutely going to fail. What you do, is go to class like normal, but five minutes in, have a heroic buddy go to the bathroom and light a lighter underneath the smoke detector. You’ll be soaking wet and have bought yourself at least a day of studying just like that. Your friend on the other hand has bought himself a hefty fine and maybe some prison time. But hey, at least you’re happy.
Use this: When you have no other options. Those that live by the sword, die by the sword.
So there ya go. Have any ideas of your own? Sound off in the comments!
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
