Hopefully you never have a professor this animated
Ok, so you’re probably already finished your first day of class, but these are good tips for any first class, really. Do all this stuff, and teachers will totally appreciate you and give you A’s.
- Show up late for class, and arrive really loudly. When you do this, professors will automatically assume that you rushed from your last class and will appreciate you for the hardworking academic you are. They will have no idea you actually slept in, didn’t know where the class was, and was getting some doggie’s number outside the room before you decided to enter.
- Sit in the back row. Because you arrived late, you want to show that you respect the professor and the class by not barging your way to the front. Plus, if you sit in the back, there is no way the professor will be able to see you BBM’ing the chick you met before you got to class. Totally getting laid tonight!
- Don’t have a notebook, pen, paper, or laptop. Make sure, though, you ask to borrow a single leaf of notebook paper and a pen from the kid sitting next to you. Then, open your backpack and take out your cell phone and a pack of gum. Pay attention, but don’t take notes. Instead practice your signature. You’re gonna need a nice one when you are famous. Teachers respect someone with the mental capacity to memorize all their notes, and when you use a computer, they’ll automatically assume you’re watching porn.
- Participate in class, but only when you add nothing valuable to the discussion. Whenever possible, you should repeat exactly what the person who spoke two turns in front of you said, but in slightly different words. This shows that you listen in class, and can comprehend what others say. Remember Bloom’s Taxonomy? This is like the pinnacle of that.
- Leave early. When you do this, your professor will know you already did the required reading, so you already know what she’ll finish with. Also, she can assume that you have to rush off to your next class. Busy schedule, remember? Now, you can go back to your room, take a quick nap, and then call up that chick from the start of class.
Isn’t college the best?
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