It was one of the worst moments of my entire fucking life. After a three hour drive, I had finally arrived at my destination: the beach. Just before I pulled into town I decided to stop for a 30 pack since my bros had only gotten one other case, and surely that wasn’t going to last the night with six bros straight punishing shit. As I grabbed the cube from the fridge and approached the counter, I dug into my pocket for my wallet only to realize it was fucking empty. Immediately I realized what had happened – I left my fucking wallet at my #32 Bro Pad back in Arlington. I fucking panicked. Now a bro-hater’s first reaction might be, “Never fear! You can just borrow money from your friends for food,” but I’m a fucking bro, so you better fucking believe that eating was the last thing on my mind. I needed that wallet for one thing and one thing only: getting into bars. My first thought was to immediately turn around to drive the six hour round trip, because honestly, what the fuck is there to do at the beach if you can’t get into the bars? But then I realized something – I’m a fucking bro. I’m one of the smartest people on the fucking planet. No fucking bro-hater bullshit law is getting in the way of me having a good time with my bros. Bros are above the fucking law.
Luckily for me, my younger brother and I look pretty similar, so we just had one of our bros bring his license out from inside the bar for me to use. It’s been years since my 21st #81 birthday, but as the bouncer studied my ID, I started to get the same feelings I did back when I was 19 trying to pass for a 26 year old organ donor from Long Island with a face so different I had to claim I was brutally injured in a car accident – I was fucking nervous. Now I’ve been to hundreds of bars, but the moment that bouncer gave me my fake ID back I had a rush that would rival Steve Phillips at a Star Wars convention. I was in the bar illegally – and it was one of the greatest feelings in the fucking world. Bros fucking love fake IDs.
Did you guys know that I’m turning 25 in December? Bet not. I also live in New York. Read the rest of the post here.
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
