Editor’s Note: This is a first person account from an anonymous Tufts student who ran NQR last night. RumpRoast, who was supposed to take pictures, really dropped the ball, and only took a couple. As he uploads them, we’ll post them here. Otherwise, enjoy the recounting below, and remember, we had nothing to do with this. If you take offense at anything, try and hunt the kid down and deal with it yourself. We totally approve vigilante justice. Also, if you have any good NQR stories from this year, definitely send them our way in the comments, or email them to mail @ w2fy .com
Last night was fucking cold, let me tell you that. I ran NQR for the second time this year, and it was a hundred times colder than I remember. Maybe it’s because I was more drunk last year (though I doubt it, ’cause I was pretty fucking hammered last night), or maybe because it actually was, I don’t know, but I just want to emphasize how cold it was.
Anyway, I started pre-gaming real early last night, because that’s the only way to do it. I got to the like reception area around maybe like 9:00 and had like ten donuts and some hot chocolate–a nice touch I might add. Anyway, I was still drinking at this point and I was pretty trashed so I started making cat-calls and shit at some girls (who I might add we’re none too pleased) and a cop or RA or someone told me to calm down.
Like 9:45 maybe people really started running, and I must say, Tufts has some of the most hideous, least well-groomed genitals I’ve ever seen. Like, I saw this last year, but it;s just fucking bad. Like if you’re going to be flaunting your junk in public, at least make sure that shit’s somewhat cleaned up. Girls, a word of advice–nobody likes to see a jungle downstairs, this guy especially. On the bright side though, I saw a couple cute girls with trampstamps, who I know would have been totally DTF. Unfortunately, I simply was too drunk to spit any game. Most of my attempts amounted simply too “hey baby, you loooook gooooood,” or “just because you’re naked, doesn’t mean you can’t consent.” I’d lie and tell you it worked once, but I’d still be lying.
I started running like 10:00 maybe and did about two laps. My balls were inside of me, but it was worth it. Seeing fat girls trip and fall while running is fucking hilarious… actually seeing anyone trip and fall is hilarious. I was done by 10:15 or so, got my clothes back on, and wandered around campus looking for a party. I hit up ATO and tried to mack some game on the dance floor, but failed miserably. Instead, I creeped heavily and drank even more, getting shot down by countless girls. I PTFO around one with my hand around my dick. I guess all and all it was a good night.
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