This is the first in a new series by our new contributor, Grace is Gone, cataloging college life as it really is. Enjoy.
So, like any young red-blooded American man I am out there trying to secure awkward sober fuck buddys everyday. It is just what you have to do when a non-drinking season roles around. No drinking? I’m assuredly going fuck myself up on inappropriate sweat sessions. I get drunk to make myself feel odd, and out of place. And I can tell you, that nothing makes me feel more odd than bending some girl over and staring at a wall covered with pictures of every…single…”friend” that the chick has had.
You may start looking, and you find like 20% of the pictures contain some guy with his arm around her beaming like his girlfriend’s mother is taking a picture of him and his life depends on nailing the smile. So now you know that dude is going to sleep somewhere thinking his darling is cozy in bed. Further, it becomes apparent that if you are ever found out some crazed guy is going throw you on a “Top 10 People to Kill List.” Fuck it, I can deal with this though. Just keep strokin’. Glance up again at the wall and maybe now you will be lucky enough to be looking find nice snapshot of the person moaning in front of you, and them hugging a younger sibling. There are simply no breaks to be caught. Finally the mural of photos reveals its version of a soaring right-hook when you spy the dreaded “Girl I’m Fucking Hugging El Guapo” piece. Not exaggerating…that picture makes me vomit ever so slightly every time I see it. At this point, honestly, I’m done. I’ll sound some sad-ass retreat song. So all I am really saying is take the flippin’ pictures down ladies. Myself, and probably other males, do not want to look at photographic history of your life every time we enter your room. I like clean slates if I am about to slay.
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