So you’re all done school, just chilling the fuck out all the time. I dig it. Nothing better than getting drunk and tan and shit… but it’s not so much fun to do it by yourself. If you’re gonna get saucy by the pool this summer, you should definitely be doing it with some chicas. You might be thinking to yourself, “but I’m a miserable fuck, and also am an idiot and can’t talk to girls even though it’s seems so easy!” Don’t you worry, though, I’ve got you covered. Imma outline for ya’ll five quick tips for picking up girls during the summer:
1. 
Be bold. Ever seen those Snus advertisements? They make no sense, but they make a good point: you need to go boldly through life. So next time you see some doggie at the gym, by the pool, in the supermarket, or downstairs in the porn store, go make a move. Go over and say hey, find a common interest, and next thing you know, you’ll be getting a sloppy handjob at 3:00am in the Holiday Express Jacuzzi. And there’s nothing more fun that that.
2. Be moderately attractive. If you look like a warlock and are ugly and out of shape, you’ve got no shot. Not even the best personality in the world can help you. So hit the gym, get plastic surgery, or whatever to make sure you’re looking your best when it comes time to seal the deal.
3. Be conversant. Believe it or not, you can’t get by on dashing good looks alone. So know some shit, and talk about it. I recommend SmartestYear.com for your daily useless fact. They make great conversation pieces, and nothing gets girls wet like pedantry.
4. Get them drunk. Because a drunk girl is an easy girl. Always have a steady supply of shitty vodka and fruit drinks to socially lube the girls up, before you privately lube them up up in the bedroom later.
5. Be affluent. When all else fails, nothing gets you laid faster than whipping out the Black Card and saying these four words: “Drinks on me, ladies.” Make sure you add the “ladies” at the end, and say it super seductively. This works especially well if you can get your hair in a slick back.
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