Based on state of the art demographic analysis, I’ve determined that a large percentage of you all are graduating high school this year and are about to embark on the wonderful four-year vacation known as college. That’s good. And since I have graduated high school, and consider myself an expert on college, I figured I’d give you all some words of advice. I’m a genius, I know, so you’ll probably be blown away and thank me profusely at the end of this, so you’re welcome in advance. Anyway, in no particular order, here we go.
Take advantage of this summer. It’s the last one you’ll really be able to fuck around during before you need to use it to your advantage. Once you’re in college, you’re going to want to devote your summers to getting meaningful internships so the next summer you can get an even more meaningful one which you can then parlay into a sweet ass job. But this summer, take it easy. Hang out with your friends (whom you’ll start drifting further and further away from once you go to school), take that road trip you’ve been meaning to do. Get drunk often, and make decisions your parents might not be so happy to find out about. Hook up with anyone you had the slightest crush on in high school–you’ll probably never see them again (until next summer or winter break or something and memories fade easily when you’re blacked out). Most importantly, have fun.
Break things off with your significant other. You don’t want to be the dweeb during orientation week who doesn’t go out because you’re in room room video chatting with your high school sweet heart. You want to take advantage of the free for all the first few weeks of college are. And, if you get things over with now, you can make the most out of this summer of fun.
Find your incoming class’s Facebook group and scan the “Roommate search” thread. You DO NOT want to get stuck with a weird ass roommate. Odds are if you’re a fan of this site, you’re gonna be going to a smaller liberal arts school. Let me tell you now: there are some weird ass motherfuckers who go to your school. You want to right now find a roommate who is not one of these people. If you play a sport, find someone else who plays a sport to live with. Chances are high that they are pretty chill and are into at least some of the same things you are. You don’t want a roommate who is going to lecture you when you come back shithoused at four in the morning with some doggie. By searching things out now, you ensure that you will at least want to talk to your roommate over some beers before you both go your separate ways for the night. Trust me.
Don’t randomly friend people just because you are going to the same school as them. It’s just weird. And, when you see someone you are friends with on Facebook, it’s a fucking awkward introduction. You don’t wanna be that dude who’s like “hey we’re friends on Facebook,” and then like have nothing else. And even if the girl is super hot, it’s not a good idea cause then she’ll see you in campus and think, oh, there’s that creepy kid who added me on Facebook. I’m never having sex with him.
So there’s some advice there. If you have any advice of your own, throw it in the comments. Congrats ya fucks.
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