So since we hyped the shit out of good Spring Fling is and how it’s gonna be the best day ever, I don’t wanna hear any bitching about it sucked or anything. It didn’t, it was pretty fucking good. So there, that’s all taken care of. Anyway, for all you pre-frosh or people who don’t go to this fine institution we call TU, imma recount my experience.
6:55 am: GraceisGone’s alarm goes off. He pops out of bed like it’s NBD, I groan and cover my head.
7:01 am: My alarm goes off. I groan again and fall out of bed. Literally. It hurts. GraceisGone comes back in, laughs, and hands me a beer. Spring Fling bitches!
7:12 am: RumpRoast, GraceisGone, and I roll over to our designated meeting spot for a quick early morning riot. Shots are taken, and we return to the house for bagels and mimosas.
8:30 am: My hangover from the previous night has transformed into a buzz. I’m drunk by 9:00.
9:00-11:00 am: Heavy mimosa drinking, riot punch (4:5 riot to punch ratio), and beers have put me on the blackout train. Luckily, recreation drug use keeps me from teetering over the edge this early. On the plus side, my tan looks fantastic. My cousin who goes to Clark rolls over with some of his buddies. They greet me with shots.
11:00 am-12:00 pm: My cousin and his friends are greeted with hospitality. They’re blown away by how fucking awesome the campus is. I assure them this is a rarity, most of the time the place sucks. They comment on how hot the girls are; I instantly feel bad for everyone who goes to Clark. I find my girlfriend, chug like three beers, grab my cousin and we head to the concert to check out my boy Sam Adams.
12:00-3:00 pm: So things are a little hazy in this block of time. I’m at the concert, and Sam Adams kills it. Set is way to short though, kid musta only done about six songs. Now I’m not sayin’ I was expecting a two-hour set, but common man, give a little bit more of a show. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that TU cut you short, but play on dude. Fuck the Yankees chant was great though, and “I Hate College” went over swimmingly.
Anyway, some sort of shitty band plays after Wizzy gets off stage and my gf drags us within two rows of the stage. At this point, I’ve lost my cousin, but fuck it, I’ll live. Drake comes on and blows shit away. I’ve pounded a couple more nips, and I’m pretty sure I browned most of this part out. But I know I almost fought with some dudes cause shit got real, and I had to be chivalrous. I’m sloppy stagefront making out with my girlfriend, one kid says “hey dude, I dig that you’re hooking up, nice, but make way.” Fuck that dude, I’ll make out where I want to make out, right? Chyeaaah. Birdman also comes on stage at some point, pretty sure he flew onto the stage, and then Drake starts a “Free Weezy” chant, which was fantastic. Ya’ll know how much I dig Young Money Cash Money, Best Rapper Alive, Lil Wayne. Awesome.
Anyway, Drake finishes, and since OK Go sucks, I leave. My phone is dead at this point, so I ask my girlfriend to call my cousin. He says, hey man thanks for the concert, but we’re heading out. See ya man. So that was weird. Woof. But hey, I appreciate the effort.
3:15-8:00 pm: I head back to my room to maybe have some sloppy sex, but open the door to find two dudes just chilling on my futon. No idea who they are, but that’s cool. RumpRoast is PTFO on his bed with some doggy, and GraceisGone is too. I play it cool, crack a Busch Lite, and wait for the tide to pass. Eventually it does, and I pass out on my couch for like four and a half hours. There is a bathroom break in between, at some point.
9:00 pm: GraceisGone’s buddy from Bates arrives, without any previous warning. He has an entourage with him. They drink heavily, I have a heart attack.
11:30 pm: I say, I’m going to bed. I can’t keep going. I’m called a pussy, bitch, etc., it’s probably true. The Bates crew, GraceisGone, and some chicks head out and have what I can only assume is a blast, cause my hallway reeks of vomit in the morning. College, huh?
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