You wake up still drunk early on a Saturday morning to the ear-deafening sound of the “everything’s gonna be alright” part of “No Women, No Cry” (Editor’s Note: This may be the best alarm, ever) and wonder to yourself, why the fuck am I up at 6:30 in the morning when if I got in a car I’d be thrown in jail with a DWI. And then you remember — you signed up for that Veteran’s Day 5K for some stupid reason. And now, you have to run it, while quite possibly still blacked out.
We’re no strangers to athletics after a hard night of drinking here at W2FY: we’ve swum ocean miles, ran 5Ks, finished triathlons, and dominated water polo tournaments deep in the throes of a hangover… all with varying degrees of success. We passed out at 3:00 am only to wake three hours later to drive barely conscious to more starting lines than we can count. And even though it hurts, in the end it’s worth it. Because there is nothing better than kicking someone’s sober, well rested ass when you yourself could very possibly be arrested for public intoxication.
So next time you and your buddies are running a charity road race, don’t ease up the night before. Go hard, or go home. If you need to yell vomit 200 meters into the race, so be it. Your drinking, and by proxy your explosion of last night’s beer and pizza, is all for a good cause. And if you happen to pull a RobertJordan and hurl right in front of all your family and friends, you can tell them it was the lactic acid — you just pushed it that hard. When you finish, maybe not first, maybe not in the top one-hundred, but certainly ahead of somebody, you’ll feel that “I just dominated these over-enthusiastic fucks while heavily intoxicated” sense of pride swelling in your heart. Embrace it, because while those who finished ahead of you may have one the battle, you certainly won the war.
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