Now that we’ve hit the point in the year where I say “fuck it,” and only wear shorts, I thought I’d give a list of the top five I’m most excited for with warm weather. Now I’ve probably done a list like this thirty to forty times since the sun came out, but that’s how pumped I am that there is sun.
- Wearing shorts all the time is the best thing ever. And by shorts I also include board shorts, jorts, and I guess capris if you swing that way. Nothing’s better than having tan legs, because that, like being fat in the middle ages, means you are in the leisure class, and can just chill all day when it’s sunny outside. Pale legs are for sissies. And also, girls look fantastic in jean shorts.
- When the weather is warm, it is socially acceptable to be drunk randomly during the day. Or, well, at least on college campuses this is true. And everyone knows that only college campuses even count when you’re in college. So you can get drunk at noon and pass out at 8:00pm and no one will even care, look at you funny, or think twice. This shit is normal. Which just goes to reinforce the fact that college is not the real world.
- Splashing around in water is the most satisfying thing in the world. And this comes from someone who does this for someone who spends a significant portion of his days doing that not for fun. But I must say, doing jackshit in while in a pool (or kiddy pool, or lake, or ocean, or puddle) is a joy that cannot be replicated in the winter. Indoor pools suck, and its too cold outside to do anything besides splash in puddles (which, I’ll admit, is a fucking blast). But in the summer, chilling with a beer and floating is nirvana.
- It’s not fucking 32 degrees outside. That’s it. Winter fucking sucks.
- The warmer it gets, the less school there is. Whoever had the idea to inversely correlate the weather with amount of school left was a genius. To have the foresight that kids everywhere would skip class to get drunk and make terrible decisions more and more frequently as the weather heated up, and then decide to make the academic calendar reflect that should be made a saint. I know every time I look at RumpRoast’s shitty outdoor thermometer and see the temperature above 65, I say, class is cancelled. For everyone.
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