Editor’s Note: We got this email in our inbox today and thought you guys might enjoy it. It’s a long one, so we have the first part today and the second part up tomorrow. As always, if you have any rocking spring break stories (or stories of any kind) send them our way at mail@w2fy.com.
Yo W2FY staff,
Figured I shoot you an email with this story from my Spring Break. Not the most glamorous of times, but I figure it’s a pretty good story.
Anyway, I went on Spring Break back home this year cause a couple of my friends from home were off during the same time. I figured I’d spend some quality time with them, recount tales of our conquest during the year, bullshit some stories about the absolute smokeshows we hooked up with this semester, and just generally hang out. Good times had by all, right? It was all set in stone for a nice relaxing week, but when I arrived at my house, I got some bad news. My parents told me that we were spending the week in Disney World.
What the fuck?! was my immediate reaction. Now I’m not gonna knock Disney cause it’s a great place, but spending a week there with my family and family alone was not my idea of a good Spring Break. I called up my friends and told them the bad news. I was met with various profanities (since I know your website has audiences of all colors I’ll leave them to your imagination, but they generally rhymed with “nag” “bag it” “weir” etc), and then told all the sweet beer and drugs they had intended to share with me. Welp, fuck me right?
So I packed a bag of my finest spring attire, condoms, and a handle of cheap vodka to keep me entertained for the trip, hopped in the family SUV, and we set off to Disney World.
We checked into the Swan Hotel, which is not the world’s nicest hotel by any means (but is still nicer than your dorm room dude) and I immediately scoped out the surroundings. Lots of old people, Asians, and little kids. Very few girls my age. Looks like I’d be jerking it tonight, I thought to myself. Luckily my parents had the foresight to give me my own room for the duration of the trip, as they didn’t want me sleeping in the same room as them during their “Spring Break” (gross). I got settled into the room and checked out the in-room entertainment section. The front prominently displayed “Adult” entertainment, and my interest was peaked. Being the young male American I am, I’m obsessed with porn. Naturally, I clicked this. I was shocked and appalled to see that there was no Adult entertainment section! I called concierge to what the problem was, and was informed that “there is… uhhh…. none of ‘that’ on the Disney compound.” Well fuck. I went to sleep that night a wanting man.
So the next day I went with the fam to the parks. We had the five-day park hopper pass so we basically had a free reign of the place. I went with my parents to Animal Kingdom first. Place is kinda cool I guess if you like animals. The Everest ride isn’t bad either. But with my parents I couldn’t do the several things I wanted to do. One, drink my vodka discreetly poured into a Disney Resorts water bottle. Second, buy myself a nice cold beer with my obviously fake ID. And three, skeeze on some chicks. So I said my farewell to the ‘rents and trekked off toward EPCOT, home of the World Showcase, where hopefully I would see a showcase of readily available girls. Right onnnnnn.
I entered EPCOT and immediately headed to America. Why? Because I’m kinda scared of foreigners and I figured they’d immediately flock to the part that represented their home country. In America, I was sorely disappointed to see hordes of Asians taking pictures everywhere. So, I back tracked towards Germany and grabbed myself a beer at the Octoberfest Beer Garden. My ID worked perfectly. I sat down and scoped out the scene. And let me tell you, I didn’t see much. Lots of old people in wheelchairs, overweight whales with turkey legs permanently affixed to their meaty hands, and tons of kids screaming. My own seventh level of Hell. I got up and moved to England. Another beer bought and another seat taken. More of the same. But then, something caught my eye. There, in the distance, was a beautiful sight. Short white skirt, skimpy yellow tank top, huge face-obscuring sunglasses. It was my dream girl. And she was only guarded by her seemingly overbearing parents. I gulped my Newcastle for courage, and sauntered on over. I was about to make contact.
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And that’s it for today. Check back tomorrow for the gripping conclusion of our fair readers tale! Send yours ourway at mail@w2fy.com
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