Welcome to Freshman Year

It is that wonderful time of the year again. Birds are chirping, the sun is shining bright, there are even hippies throwing a Frisbee around outside that yell at you when you call it

Flava Flav doesn't mind grating his dick to save daylight. Also, I suck at photoshop.

Frisbee because apparently it is supposed to be called Ultimate because they are pompous pricks. In case you haven’t noticed the 4 inches of water in your basement, none of those things are currently happening right now except for the hippies sucking dicks. The reason for this crappy weather you ask? Daylight Saving Time.

Daylight Saving is the worst thing to ever hit mankind. As you know, we just set the clocks FORWARD one hour on Sunday morning and everyone is currently hung-over because of it. No one could fall asleep on time without taking an Ambien cocktail and free time was forced to be cut short on one of two days off that normal hardworking Americans get per week. The only upside to this horseshit is that it will be light outside past 4:15 pm.

Despite what you all think, Daylight Saving Time has nothing to do with farmers or with kids getting trucksticked by school busses or the need for more daylight during a world war. In 1918 The House of Representatives voted to “save daylight” with a law that made everyone mess with their clocks twice a year. The reason: in the summertime months, the sun rises before most people do, and therefore if we set the clocks forward one hour then everyone will be awake for the maximum amount of sunlight hours. This will save energy and spare people from keeping their shades closed in the morning while they try to sleep in later. Originally, Ben Franklin came up with the idea of fucking with the clocks to save the amount of oil and candles people have to burn. Today, no one can really prove that it saves any amount of energy. So why do we still have Daylight Saving Time? Because changing it is such a pain in the ass that no one wants to do it. There are even states in the U.S. that don’t do any sort of Daylight Saving. Some pacific island adopted Daylight Saving in 1999 so that they could celebrate the Millennium before all of the surrounding islands. Changing your clocks arbitrarily is such a joke.

Someone once said to me, “What’s the big deal? It’s only twice a year.” If you feel the same sentiment then do me a favor please; go out to Pottery Barn, buy yourself a cheese grater, and cheese grate your dick twice a year. What’s the big deal? It’s only twice a year. I don’t care if I only have to change my clocks twice a year…I still don’t want to do it.

As always, I have a solution to this problem that will solve all public needs: set the clocks forward 4 hours and just leave it there. Now the sun will rise at 11:00 am and it will be light out until 11:00 pm. In the morning everyone is either sleeping, at work, or at school so who cares if it is dark out until 11:00 am? You would have so much free daylight time after work to do whatever you wanted. It would be spectacular. The biggest argument against this: kids will get hit by busses. This has nothing to do with Daylight Saving Time and you should be ashamed for raising a kid who is capable of standing on a sidewalk when there is sunlight but the minute the sun sets the kid cannot seem to find the sidewalk and can only stand in the middle of the street.

I know I can’t change your opinion on Daylight Saving Time. I also know that I wrote this in about 15 minutes while at work so cut me some slack on mistakes and shit. I also know that you are all still trying to wrap your heads around the fact that for your whole life you thought it was called Daylight Savings Time (see the plural “savings”) and think I am way to big of a douche to get you to hate changing your clocks. I implore you, leave a comment on this post. Write your own article and send it to mail@w2fy.com about why Daylight Saving Time makes sense. I want to hear your opinions, but if you tell me that setting your clocks back twice a year is different from cheese grating your dick twice a year then you missed the entire point of my argument and you should go back to throwing your Frisbee around.

Related posts:

1. Matt and Kim and De La Soul saw “Daylight” Immediately after I posted yesterday’s song, I heard this. Shouldn’t'a...
2. Get ready for NQR [UPDATED] Also, tonight is Tufts annual NQR — Naked Quad Run....
3. The White Panda is “Ready for My Neck, My Back” As Eleanor once said to Theodore: “You can hide, but...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.