Pacco’s Rants Make The Dark Horse Want to Live in a Vomitorium

5 Comments
Tags: , ,
Posted 03 Feb 2010 in Rants

I hate Apple. I always have. I have long argued with many people about why PCs are better and why Macs are for people who don’t know their left from their right. That being said, I own 2 iPods…but I like the idea of them more than I actually like them. I have had no problems with my iPods (a 4th gen black and white click wheel and a 3rd gen nano) and I have to say that I am a happy customer. I do believe though that Apple dicks all of their customers by releasing crap products with little to no R&D because they can release a new model every 6 months and people will still buy them. These iPods then break in a year and people are pissed but are forced to buy a new one because no one wants to be that guy with a Zune.

Regardless, or irregardless, reading through about 6 paragraphs of Pacco’s rant made me want to defenestrate myself. After completely sucking Apple’s proverbial dick and loving it, he then went on to say why he cries after giving head. Yes Pacco, we know that you thought Apple and Steve Jobs loved you but ended up using you like the rest of the world. You thought that there was no way it could happen to you, everyone but you, but it did. Now you are stuck like every other Mac shmo trying to decide whether or not to build your own BAPC (that’s a Bad Ass Personal Computer) desktop for about $1000 or plunk down $2500 on a new Apple iBook or iPad or iMac or iFeces.

What this really comes down to is a person’s (Pacco’s) loyalty to one company for no apparent reason. Like blind, deaf, and crippled sheep, people seem to flock towards a company if he or she liked one random product in the past. Remember in middle school when all the computer labs had the huge iMac with the handle on it? Yeah, those things sucked, and now every classroom has a PC because of versatility. And Apple almost died and I was almost rid of that deficient company once and for all. But then, as the iPod became such an awesome product, people decided that they didn’t want a computer with 2 mouse buttons and instead wanted one with Kid Pix. People can argue all they want about how Macs have backlit keys or how iMovie comes stock or how it also functions as a urinal…I am still not going to buy one and Pacco is still going to be disappointed because his computer is bent. Yes, physically bent. We could just say F Apple and be rid of anything with an “i” in front of it and any software that has to do with African wildlife (operating systems Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Leopard, Tiger, the browser Safari, etc.). Someday my dreams will come true and there will be one less thing for me to be miserable about.

I would also like to add that Apple turned into a company for people who want to think that they are better than everyone else. In my mind, Apple bred hipsters, and there is only one thing I despise more in this world than hipsters, and that is hippies, but I will save that for another time.

Related posts:

  1. Pacco continues his ranting with an epic mega-rant about Apple and the iPad This is a kinda continuation of my rant on Friday...
  2. Pacco closes out your Friday with a MadCatz Rant This week Apple unveiled the iPad.  I’ll get to that...
  3. Pacco goes to town on Floridian renewable energy plans Florida wants to have ocean turbines for electric power.  Great,...
  4. W2FY Recommends: Perky Jerky Holy shit! Why has no one thought of this before!?!?!...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.


5 Comments

  1. Pacco

    I’m glad you’re finally getting your thoughts on paper. It only took four years and me just mentioning the word apple. Of ps, if you’re wondering, Steve Jobs’ dick tastes like movie theatre popcorn.

  2. DJM

    Hey darkhorse, let’s be real and admit the only reason you hate Apple so much is because you hate fun. I love Apple and think Pacco should keep on sucking Steve Job’s buttery-flavored (really Pacco???) dick because the guy is a goddamn revolutionary. Who cares if his ideas kind of suck and are a bad variation of an over-hyped mini music player? The guy has taken American consumers for BILLIONS of dollars. If their products sucked so much people would stop buying them, but they don’t. People can’t WAIT to be the first one to have the newest Apple product.

    People who haven’t caved and bought some sort of Apple product sit at home on a Saturday night contemplating suicide while they reboot their piece of shit PC twelve times because it doesn’t function properly (P.S. I think I broke your computer last Sunday when I drop-kicked it after the tenth time re-starting it. Sorry I’m not sorry). These poor shmucks can’t even Google a good way to end their miserable existence because their goddamn browser won’t start.

    I would do terrible things to come up with some product that every American gets hard for (Viagra beat me to that, I guess). But if Steve Jobs keeps coming up with these products so he can continue to dance around in piles of money all day (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yRme0C2pmI), more power to him and his turtleneck.

    Disclaimer: I don’t really mean offense to any other PC users- just darkhorse.

  3. Anonymous

    I would just like to confirm that DarkHorse does in fact hate fun.

  4. shields

    Revolutionary! I would hate to compare Steve Jobs to someone like…oooohh, hmmm let’s say George Washington, or Napoleon, or the possibly even the guy who sings Chocolate Rain. That’s a Revolution! Other things that have made millions of dollars or have wasted millions of people’s times: American Idol, Microsoft (Windows 7 was MY IDEA), Wal-Mart, the Government, Bernie Madof, etc.) All stuperstars.

  5. hip-hop-anonymous

    “A revolutionary is a person who either actively participates in, or advocates revolution. Also, when used as an adjective, the term revolutionary refers to something that has a major, sudden impact on society or on some aspect of human endeavor. The term “revolutionary”—both as a noun and adjective— is usually applied to the field of politics, and is occasionally used in the context of science, invention or art.”

    Thanks, Shields, for the scintillating banter.



Add Your Comment